I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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