hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
