First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
