Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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