actually, I'm a sock model
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
