i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He shit in the fireplace
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
