last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
