john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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