You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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