wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
