just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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