True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
