You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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