I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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