my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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