im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Still dying that you shit outside
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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