my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
