Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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