I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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