Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
