My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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