i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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