I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
