Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
