a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am available for nakedness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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