he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
