: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
