After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize