its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
