everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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