watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
