well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
