I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
