I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
