the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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