forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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