We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drake has all the answers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
