"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
