Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
