the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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