I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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