420 ftw
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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