I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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