We're facebook friends in real life
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
