Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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