I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
