Where are you?
In a non slutty way
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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