WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
