I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
