The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
