i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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