wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
