That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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