She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
