Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
