So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
