Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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