I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
