you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
