you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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