I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
