kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I supernannyed him into submission
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize