I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
