I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
