Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize