I wannas sexs uuuuu
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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