you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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