she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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