I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
