How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
