I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
