The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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