You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
