i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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