last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
