Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
