the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
