I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
