I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
