If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize