i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
